FAQ – Philosophy of Love
Genre – Philosophy, love, self-inquiry
As per the current world and time, it’s said that “change is the only constant”, and yes, it does motivate and inspire people to adapt to different situations and circumstances of life that come with unpredictability and impermanence. But one thing that has stood out from it since forever, is the feeling of love.
Poets, philosophers, thinkers and even saints have come and gone, but all that they have said about love, have been words that take you to the same feeling of Love, holding synonymous meaning through different words.
Though it has been the muse for almost every being, and has found expressions starting from scriptures, bible, the Quran and modern day literature, it still remains shrouded with questions and confusions.
Hence today, we are going to address some of the frequently asked questions around love from existential, philosophical and spiritual perspectives, and try to understand what love is in reality and how divine it can be.
So, the first comes first –
Q - What is Love?
As said earlier, many poets, philosophers, thinkers, and saints have come and gone, who have talked about Love, but the thing that remains constant in all of them, is the core meaning of love.
It’s not something that changes with time or situation, or can be meant differently with different and new words, instead no matter how many ways we try to express it, it remains the same pure feeling at its core.
Now coming back to scriptures, that show the first ever known mention of Love, they address Love way differently as we understand today. In scriptures, love is mentioned as not something to be sought outside, instead it’s said to be the core of the Self and the substance/feeling/emotion/energy that we all are made of. It further goes ahead to say that, even God himself is love and is made of love only.
Now it is not difficult to understand why even God is said to be made of love, and that is because Love is that pure emotion and of such high standard, where it becomes synonymous to feeling and perception that we hold for God.
But to understand Love, based on feelings and emotions that we mostly carry around it, love can be explained as the source of positive feelings such as surrender, acceptance, humbleness, compassion, care, respect, gratitude and patience. Love motivates such qualities and enables one to handle anger, frustration and problems with care.
Q - But does that mean, love always makes one feel happy and never brings any sadness or sorrow at all?
It’s a yes and a no as well. The thing is, love cannot change the circumstances of life, but it can definitely shape the perspective with which we can interpret situations differently, holding a compassionate and loving nature in the end.
And this itself, keeps us less agitated to the emotions that come with various situations of life.
All in all, life will bring all kinds of emotions, but with love in heart, we can sum up all these emotions to have a softer, gentle and compassionate nature, which in the end is always beneficial for us.
Q - How to know that you are in Love?
Well, just like learning doesn’t end after you qualify the school and then comes the college, it might take longer than you think, to learn and to know love as it is. You might not just fall for someone for the first time and say that it is Love as it has to be, and not even the second or third time.
But still, we often believe that “pehla pyaar sacha pyaar hota hai”, and that’s because if we taste the feeling of something close to love at a very early age, it’s mostly free from the worldly, materialistic, physical and societal perspective of love. It’s much more natural and unbiased in nature.
But later on, love feels much more confusing, because we confuse it with another thing that is attachment. So, what could make love more clearer is understanding how love and attachment feel different.
Q - How to know it’s love and not just attachment? Or simply, what's the difference between love and attachment?
It needs some deep self reflection to know if it’s just attachment or love. Because the way we experience the world, the way we practice from the very beginning of our lives, we only communicate and feel through attachments.
But the few ways with which you can different love from attachment are –
Love makes you softer, responsible, sensitive and a giver and not taker.
Love makes you learn how to surrender.
Love teaches you how to feel others’ pain and how to respect others.
Love doesn’t get angry, it comes back to make you understand that love only makes you happier, and its attachments around love, which creates expectations and anger.
And lastly, true love makes you feel the love for every being and life forms, making you compassionate towards them. It doesn’t limit you, instead, in true love, the love within you just expands with no limits.
Q - Why does love hurt?
It’s actually not love that hurts, it’s the expectations, which on not getting fulfilled, hurts us. It further takes other shapes too, like anger, which again comes back as hurtful feelings, as in love, you never wish to see your loved ones hurt. But with anger, you only could hurt them.
Q - So, how to be in true love?
Well, it’s a process and you can’t force that upon yourself.
Firstly, things don’t go the same way for everyone, because of certain uncertainties that always remain with us, like the place where one takes birth, to whom he takes birth, the time, the surroundings, and so on.
But to reflect on it, love perhaps would come to you in the form of attachment, and not for once, but various times, and probably you would lose it, in case the uncertainty of life wants to teach you what true love is.
While the layers of attachment will hurt you, love will leave you with wisdom, such as respecting others, being compassionate, reducing anger and increasing calmness and commitment. It won’t leave you with hatred in your heart, instead it will teach you how to appreciate the good things about someone, and allow them to improve where they lack anything.
Love with the layers of attachment will further teach you how to let go and in the end totally surrender onto that uncertainty of existence, which in the first place put you together in space-time, to ignite love within you.
And in the end, when you will totally surrender, when you realize that the pain of separation and distance itself is a sign of you holding love within your heart, you would feel the happiness and gratitude to have that feeling of love.
And perhaps then you’ll discover and finally feel love, truly as it is. Not because of the presence or absence of someone, but just as it is within you. And when the time would come, perhaps you would meet the perfect person, to share that love with.
Q - How to know if a person is right for you or not?
In the beginning phase of what we feel like love, it always feels fresh and energising with that tingling of new emotions. But as time passes, it’s the brain’s way to settle down the same hormones that made it feel so special. Hence, things start to change. But a right person would still stick to things like respecting each other, taking care of small things like making a cup of coffee or breakfast in the morning.
The right person would always try to remain calm and composed, and most importantly what one needs to observe is how the other person responds, when he or she is stressed, or frustrated. Being right in such a situation would be to remain calm, and take anger and frustration wisely with patience and a balanced behavior.
Lastly, a right person wouldn’t ever mind apologising to keep the person he or she loves.
Q - How to know if you’re right for a particular person or not?
The above answer that goes for others, applies to yourself as well. Love in its true sense grows you with wisdom, care, respect and surrender. Hence, you must yourself be aware of if such qualities unfold in you with the other person or not. If yes, you’re always on the right path, let it be any goal that you wish to achieve.
Q - Can love happen twice or multiple times?
Of course. Love can happen many times. And that’s not because you’re a creep, but because love in reality, isn’t something that lies outside you, instead, it’s an innate feeling that comes from within.
To explain this, philosophers and saints have said it beautifully –
“Love isn’t winning someone else, or acquiring. Love is just being, as it’s the true nature of the self. Love emerges from you, while the other can only be a mirror to reflect that, but not the source. And once you realize that you’re made of that feeling, that is love, you no more need the mirror for any validation. It’s not arrogance, because in the highest form of love, the other simply dissolves and becomes you as well.”
Well, in simpler words, what it means is that when we feel love for someone, it’s not the person we fall in love with; instead, we love the feeling of love itself which gets ignited by the presence of the other person. While that person becomes the one who ignites the flame of love, it’s always you – the self- that remains the source of it.
Hence, instead of saying I love you to someone, you can actually tell them the truth, that is – “Through you, I feel my love”.
Conclusion
So to conclude, we can say that love isn’t something that lies outside, instead it’s our own true nature. And, while the people we meet can work as catalysts to reflect our love and to realize it, the source is always the self.
Moreover, love is like a divine and pure knowledge. Just like academic knowledge enables one to excel in various fields, love makes one wiser, compassionate, respectful, grateful and calm.
Lastly, one thing that even existence follows is – without love, there remains no existence of life.
Though it sounds a little poetic and dramatized, what it means is that – everything in existence comes to life, only when done with love, without which the world would feel like a meaningless and dead happening.
And even science accepts this. While we divide our life aspects into career, work life, love life and personal life, neurologically, our brain sees and feels everything only through hormones and electrical signals, summing them all up as just Life, with no distinction.
Hence, though we live in a world of words and meanings, in reality, there is neither any distinction between work and life, nor any difference between love and life. It’s just the barrier of language and different words that draw the borders, while life, work, people, nature and even god – everything is love, and everything is life.
If you liked the depth of this article, try another one, where we discuss how Surrender is a natural way of life and not a choice. With real-life examples and scientific explanations, understand how life for you and everyone, has always been an act of surrender, where there is no need to even sit to surrender, and all you need is to be aware of it and realize it.
Click on the link to read the article – The Truth Of Surrender | A Natural Way Of Life, Not A Choice
