“Yes Mom, I am heading towards home…will reach by thirty minutes. Don’t worry” reassuring my mother about my safe journey of  mere 14 kilometres to my home, I kept my phone inside my bag and putting on my helmet I started off my two wheeler.

Being always concerned about safety and particular about traffic rules, I focused my attention on riding my vehicle and tried to keep my mind free from all other unwanted thoughts. Or in other words persistent worries and recurring concerns indifferent from those of my mother. Every girl wishes to be free spirited and untameable, but are the girls around the globe really immune to the people blinded with bigotry and conservatism? Can every single girl out there be outside completely exempted from the fear of being mistreated or falling prey to opportunistic brutes?

 

Notwithstanding the questions popping up in my head every now and then, I tried to not think anything negative and ride peacefully back to my home. However, in my next blink of an eye, the side rear view mirror showed the biker accompanying me from a few minutes. He might be simply following same route as mine towards his destination and might have really nothing to do with me. But situations like this simply trail my thoughts back to a minor incident that shelled my confidence with a sphere of phobia for a long time, when I was in school. I was bicycling to my school, when a stranger  on his bike followed me from quite a distance. Not moments later he was right beside me trying to bridge the gap between us and spoke something which was indecipherable at my part. Being followed by a stranger did frighten a teenager who simply rode as fast as she could towards her school. Keeping aside any other thoughts she just hoped in desperation to be saved from any mishap only to realize in next minutes that the follower had disappeared from her view.

Hoping over the speed breaker I was brought back to the present from my trance and saw the biker turning away to other direction, towards his landing place. I believe that not every eye that is laid on us is of a hungry beast targeting it’s next prey. But not always we can differentiate which looks directed towards us reflect malignity and which don’t. At times when our gut instincts are not pleasant, believing on ourselves and having faith in God we prepare ourselves to be brave enough to face any supposed dreadful events. Sometimes some of us are fortunate enough to be untouched by any mishap, but those who are exposed to the miseries and eventually succumbed to death, were they any less brave? Was their belief on almighty shallow? Or did their stars have any fault? The underlying answer to this question to which everyone will agree to is the inhumanity and insanity that has controlled few people who have butchered safety of women.

So, no matter how much the society has developed, technology has advanced, or how much girls are excelling at different fields, their safety is still at stake. This is true for every girl at whichever corner of the world she stays but let me just talk about this scenario in the very country I stay, which has given rise to these thoughts and perspectives. In the country like India, where on one hand “SHAKTI: The divine female energy” is worshiped, who symbolizes the auspicious powers of creation, nature, music, art, compassion, motherhood, love and every other form of it, on the other hand a life with XX chromosomes is controlled by patriarchal norms and living is determined by social stigmas. 

Now on this point one can argue that, slowly but steadily various actions are pushing hard for women empowerment and their well-being along with several social justice and empowerment movements that are exemplifying solidarity to women’s rights. But has it really been efficient enough to even give a sense of safety and security to women let alone be an agent of women’s emancipation. I’ll be too pretentious to not agree that recent awareness and revolutionary steps promoting feminism have really proven to be impactful even if on a small fraction of society. Of course it is giving us a ray of hope for a sweeping transition that will bring a better world but it is still a vision which can’t be turned into reality overnight.

It’s been 20 minutes past 9 by my watch since I took off from my friend’s house towards my home. Everytime I have to travel somewhere at night, my mother is restless until and unless I have reached my destination. Her concerns are indifferent irrespective of the means of transport I use, she can’t help calling me till she is satisfied with my replies either throughout my journey or at the start and end of it, no matter how small or big it is. Initially her apprehensions would not even let me step out alone post evening and to be honest it did irritate me. Like every other millennial girl, I thought I am being deprived of my freedom. I found her overprotectiveness and presentiments were disguising her discrimination between boys and girls. Little did I know back then that it is just a motherly concern about her child’s safety which stays with every mother forever.

After coming across the news of exponential increase in mishaps to the females without any reference to time, place or situation, it dawned upon me that I misjudged her. I failed to realize that it’s not like she doesn’t want me to stay outside till late night because I am a girl, neither that she doesn’t promote equality among all the genders, nor that she doesn’t want the society to change it’s mindset and males are devoid of their abhorrent attitude towards females. Rather, it is just an actuality that a large section of this society is yet not free of barbarism. Now I am on the same page with her that though some misfortunes or accidents are unforeseen yet inevitable, it is our responsibility to look after our own safety. That’s why, if I have to go somewhere, I make sure to start off as early as possible and try to reach as soon as possible. If I am taking a public transport, I prefer to take the one crowded with both males and females. I am also unnerved about opting for late night shifts at jobs. Though I don’t have any horrid experiences, even the memory of  that small incident of childhood has faded, but the darkness of evil outside overshadows your inner light of optimism and faith. This houses an unwanted fear in your heart. The same is happening to me. I know I am strong, I still believe in good and I still hope the world will eventually give a better and safe place to every girl but the fear and uncertainty relapses.

One can consider my beliefs and actions cowardice but don’t I have much important things to take care of rather than paying heed of a penny to what people think of me? All I know is if I can keep myself away from any sort of danger in any possible way, I shouldn’t step back from adopting it. Sometimes certain things are not in our hands and we have to face challenges overcoming the fear deep settled in our heart, but it’s smart enough to play safe than accepting risks when they can be avoided. Being brave doesn’t mean we go look out for danger and to err on the side of caution doesn’t make us any less gutsy.

My thoughts soon started to dwindle as my journey of 30 minutes came to an end and I parked my two-wheeler and headed straight towards our flat. The moment my mom found me at the door, smiling at her, she heaved a sigh of relief.

“Thank God you are home finally” she exclaimed.

“Thank God I am home finally” I thought.

By Satakhi Panda